Why aren't things working out for me? Day after day more bad news and issues to resolve. First was Dave's health insurance not paying the hospital bill from Dave's first suicide attempt. Then the car insurance company taking their time to deny the claim with the carbon monixide poisioning. So all the hospital bills are all charging huge late fees. I've called and called each company to try to move things along, but I would be pushed aside. Then there's the stupid fraud charge from success institute of $6200 on Dave's discover card that Dave left me to fix. I had a signed agreement from Dave that he would fix that mess he created. But he didn't even try. I've tried fixing it with Success institute and the credit card company, but they wont budge. Why do I have to pay for Dave's mistakes?? Then this past Friday I received a notice that our car insurance was canceled because I was a "new risk" and that Dave was the insured and I was only a driver. No condolences or even an offer to work with me to get it renewed. We had been with that company for over 26 years. I was the one who made sure the premiums were paid on time. However the blow was softened because I was trying to get Dayna on the plan. Our agent when she was processing Dayna got a message from our Car Insurance that we were being canceled. She called me up and told me and thought it was rude of Bear river to do. She said she would find us a cheaper policy and a better one. So I did know about it before the cold letter arrived. 2 days before the cancelation notice Bear river sent me a bill for the last payment I still owed for the year knowing that I was being canceled they sent me a bill anyway? Stupid. I called up Bear river and told them how rude they were and that I was going to another company.
All three of my cars need new tires. Jess' car needs to be inspected, I don't think her car will pass and I don't want to pay to get it inspected. Did I mention our life insurance won't pay the $200000 because Dave's suicide? I did get a job tending a partially paralyzed woman in our ward for $1600 a month. Dave use to make that much a week working at RRDonnally. I don't know how long we can limp along.
A couple of weeks ago I received a notice from Utah state tax commission stating that I owed $150,000 or they would take all our possessions. I freaked out big time. Luckily a few friends said the same thing happened to them with their small businesses and all I had to do was call them and explain what happened. I did and they just had me send in a simple form.
Now I have to notify our home insurance to have the policy changed into my name.
Then I have to send that into our mortgage company so they can change our loan into my name.
I sure hope they don't give me the stupid grief of me being a "new risk". But they probably will.
Dave never did like this home and felt forced into moving here. How much do we really change when we die? Aren't our personalities still intact when we die? All our likes and dislikes? All our hopes and dreams go with us? All our feelings of love and hate? With all these stupid things that I just can't get resolved, I can't help but think Dave stopped loving me and could care less what happens to me and that it's all pay back for the misery I caused him all those years of being married. I just wish I could know for sure he still cares for me and is watching out for me. I know he's watching out for his parents and his brothers, because they've told me they've all either seen him or felt him. I haven't seen him. I've felt him at night here and there checking on me quickly. Or maybe it's all part of the plan to get me to stop loving Dave so I can move on and find someone else. That's so what David would do to me. Pick on me and do stupid things to push me away, so he'd have the excuse that it was me that didn't love him, just another "save face" ploy of Dave's. Not working Dave. Try something else. I still love you. You stinker! When I die. I'm going to give Dave a big hug then kick his but, then hug him again.
I don't know why, I have to go through all this. What did I do that was so bad as to deserve this punishment? I've always been a good girl, obedient, patient, kind. Who am I, that I am being tried so hard? I am nobody. I'm shy, don't have many friends. What happens to me won't make any difference in anyone's life. I am of no consequence. So why this trial??? It makes no sense, any of it. The only thing that I know now is empathy for those who've lost a loved one. But we all will learn that lesson sooner or later in this life. We'll all loose a loved one to death and feel that horrible sting. But why all the financial mess I have to go through? I've always been very frugal and saved our money, staying out of debt. It was Dave who would spend and get into debt, not me. So why do I have to pay for his stupidity? Not fair!
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