I've been thinking about our journey through this life and the iron rod journey. We start this journey with our family to help us or in some cases hinder us. In my journey my family is a very important source of strength for me. Then we marry and our spouse becomes our main source of strength. You go along through all the hills and valleys, thicks and thins together hand in hand. But when that spouse chooses to abandon you by either divorce or in my case die, the ground is ripped from under you and all you can do is hang onto that rod. I felt for so long that I was dangling from that rod, somehow I had the strength to hang on. Then of course the mist of darkness comes and blows against you trying to make you let go. And all you can do is pray for the strength to hang on. No spouse to be seen anywhere. Divorced people who still have living ex's, keep going to defy them. They have something to get angry at and use that anger to move on. I don't get that luxury. Mine just vanished. He's not lost in the mist of darkness, not over the cliff into the dark abyss below, not in the tall and spacious building, not ahead of me or behind me. Just gone with no explanation. Yes others have lost their loved ones along the way. But they get to know they are waiting for them on the other side and they are still loved. I don't get to have that perfect knowledge. But there was a light at the end of my dark tunnel. A new travel companion. (Tracey) No longer do I feel the lost and loneliness and the vulnerability of being alone. Now I can continue on the path with a new perspective.
I was delayed in my journey for a couple of years. I'm on my way again.
Now I see others who are waylaid on their journey by no fault of their own. Because of choices loved ones around them make. I see them dangling from the rod surrounded by that horrible mist of darkness that is depression, hopelessness, confusion, loneliness, sorrow and pain. How to help? I myself gathered strength from passerby's who would offer encouragements and acts of kindness. Yes a few would step on my fingers as they skipped merrily by, oblivious to my plight. But I didn't pay them no mind, because I saw what was coming up ahead for them.
So as you make you way along the iron rod, no stepping on fingers of those dangling, do offer whatever support you can, do smile and say you can do it, do have a silly song to sing to help lighten the mood, and try to have patience for those who are oblivious.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
UPdates
It's been a while since I blogged last. About 2 years? After the whole Ken fiasco, I found my true love and best friend about a month after. He treats me so wonderfully. No mental or emotional hang ups. I keep telling my new hubby how stupid I was to have dated Ken for so long. He said I needed to learn a lesson about men and that the experience prepared me for when we met. Ya, that's what I'll chalk it up as, experience. Anyway I'm very happy with the new hubby.
The real reason I wanted to blog today was an idea that I've been musing over for a while. I think I may have blogged about this before. It is about will power. Can will power be given or shared? The will to get up off the couch and do something productive, the will power to loose weight, the will power to learn new things. The will power to progress in all aspects of life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We all have times where we just get stuck. Because of hardships, trials, loneliness, whatever it is that weighs us down and makes us give up. Can another person, by just being around them give you the will power, strength and ambition to do hard things? Without that person even knowing they are giving the strength? I vote yes. And I believe it is a spiritual gift to have this will power magical aura.
The woman I tend for who had a major stroke that killed half her brain. That stroke took away her will power. She use to be the go go go woman. You needed something done, she'd do it without hesitation. Now, all her sense of "i can do it" is gone. Anything unpleasant for her is a daily fight to get her to do. Going to the gym to exercise is very hard for her mentally. But I force her to do it. There is an exercise I have her do called sit to stands were she grabs onto a bar in front of her and she pulls herself up to stand. Well I told her husband who helps with us with the exercising to watch what I was going to do. So we are both standing on either side of her so she doesn't fall. I tell Ramona to grab the bar and stand, so she does and she just sits there. I say ok 123 stand, she jiggles in her chair a bit but can't stand up. So I say watch this, all I'm going to do is put my hands on either side of her waist and just squeeze a little, not lifting her at all. So I did and said ok stand and she popps right up off her chair no help just my hands on her waist. I did that experiment a few times with the same results. Why? Why can't she move on her own? Why does she need just the feel of hands on her to move? There was a movie with Robin Williams called Awakenings that talked about this "phenomena". They called it "borrowing wills". (interesting side note here, Robin Williams committed suicide) Hmmm so I've seen it work mentally and physically on Ramona who is brain damaged and has no will of her own. Can it work on healthy people who by whatever means looses their will? I still vote yes.
After David died, I craved hugs, I needed hugs, I needed to borrow loved ones "wills" and it did give me strength. But in today's society it is viewed as improper to hug and it is improper. I don't give hugs randomly. Arms length away please. I'm very uncomfortable when the bishop hugs me even the relief society pres hugs me when I don't want or ask for one. But when I do need a hug when something bad happens, I sure love to hug loved ones. Being single was hard, I hugged my daughters everyday. But to not have a hubby to hug, that was very hard. I'm so grateful to have a very loveable hubby who craves hugs as much or even more than I do.
So... how do I share my will power magical touch? How do I know who even needs it? Is just a touch on the shoulder or elbow or hand enough to transfer it? or even just my presence? I'm a very shy person. I do not like to impose myself on people. I am not talkative or popular. I still don't believe anyone would even want to be near me. I'm nobody. How I'd love to give support and encouragement to those who've had loved ones die of suicide. So I can share my will power support with them. But how?
The real reason I wanted to blog today was an idea that I've been musing over for a while. I think I may have blogged about this before. It is about will power. Can will power be given or shared? The will to get up off the couch and do something productive, the will power to loose weight, the will power to learn new things. The will power to progress in all aspects of life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We all have times where we just get stuck. Because of hardships, trials, loneliness, whatever it is that weighs us down and makes us give up. Can another person, by just being around them give you the will power, strength and ambition to do hard things? Without that person even knowing they are giving the strength? I vote yes. And I believe it is a spiritual gift to have this will power magical aura.
The woman I tend for who had a major stroke that killed half her brain. That stroke took away her will power. She use to be the go go go woman. You needed something done, she'd do it without hesitation. Now, all her sense of "i can do it" is gone. Anything unpleasant for her is a daily fight to get her to do. Going to the gym to exercise is very hard for her mentally. But I force her to do it. There is an exercise I have her do called sit to stands were she grabs onto a bar in front of her and she pulls herself up to stand. Well I told her husband who helps with us with the exercising to watch what I was going to do. So we are both standing on either side of her so she doesn't fall. I tell Ramona to grab the bar and stand, so she does and she just sits there. I say ok 123 stand, she jiggles in her chair a bit but can't stand up. So I say watch this, all I'm going to do is put my hands on either side of her waist and just squeeze a little, not lifting her at all. So I did and said ok stand and she popps right up off her chair no help just my hands on her waist. I did that experiment a few times with the same results. Why? Why can't she move on her own? Why does she need just the feel of hands on her to move? There was a movie with Robin Williams called Awakenings that talked about this "phenomena". They called it "borrowing wills". (interesting side note here, Robin Williams committed suicide) Hmmm so I've seen it work mentally and physically on Ramona who is brain damaged and has no will of her own. Can it work on healthy people who by whatever means looses their will? I still vote yes.
After David died, I craved hugs, I needed hugs, I needed to borrow loved ones "wills" and it did give me strength. But in today's society it is viewed as improper to hug and it is improper. I don't give hugs randomly. Arms length away please. I'm very uncomfortable when the bishop hugs me even the relief society pres hugs me when I don't want or ask for one. But when I do need a hug when something bad happens, I sure love to hug loved ones. Being single was hard, I hugged my daughters everyday. But to not have a hubby to hug, that was very hard. I'm so grateful to have a very loveable hubby who craves hugs as much or even more than I do.
So... how do I share my will power magical touch? How do I know who even needs it? Is just a touch on the shoulder or elbow or hand enough to transfer it? or even just my presence? I'm a very shy person. I do not like to impose myself on people. I am not talkative or popular. I still don't believe anyone would even want to be near me. I'm nobody. How I'd love to give support and encouragement to those who've had loved ones die of suicide. So I can share my will power support with them. But how?
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