My profile on Mormon.org

on April 30th my daughters and I were in a horrendous car accident.  A pick up truck ran a stop sign and we hit them on their passenger side us going 40 mph.  Our front end was smashed in all the way up to the wheels.  We were all wearing our seatbelts which saved our lives.  The air bags did deploy.  The other truck had 2 teenagers both not wearing seatbelts.  The ended up flipping over upside down.  Nobody was seriously harmed.  No broken bones or cuts.  Just lots of buises and oh boy were we sore for a week.  Dayna spranged both wrists badly and lost her job because of the accident.  I got whiplash and couldn't move my neck for a week.  Jess jolted her tailbone and couldn't sit for very long for a week.  My parents did come down and took care of us for a week, which was so nice because none of us could move then alone cook and do daily chores.  We were the only two vehicles in that area for a mile when the accident happend.  His stop sign even had a flashing red light.  Crazy teenagers!  So now we're doing the fight the insurance company thing again.  CRAZY!  Bills are piling up and the pressure is on for us to settle for pittilens with them.  Can I officially now say I'm picked on?  What the heck?  What was that for?  I've never been in any kind of wreck.  Good grief!  So our poor white focus is all gone.  They did pay us for the car.  Now to buy a new car.  That poor Focus needed to go, it was involved in both of Dave's suicide attempts.  Bad memories.  I honestly thought right before we hit because we were going so fast that we were all going to die and be with David.  Then when we got out of the car screaming and realized we were all ok.  I looked over at the upside down truck and them not moving inside.  I thought I've killed them and I just stood there screaming.  I've been doing a lot of that hysterical screaming lately.  I know I've killed off too many brain cells in the past 6 months.  I feel so week and helpless.  I'm so tired of the extreme trauma.  What is with that?  I just don't get why I've been through so much CRAP in so little time.  Haven't I passed the "test" yet?  I can't help but wonder what is next.  What am I doing wrong that I need these lessons?  Am I being punished for being a lazy bum?  Are these the warm up tests for more extreme trauma?  Are these tests of my faith?  Was I being used to wake up those crazy  teenagers to shape up and be good?  I just don't know and won't know until I die.  I'm sure Dave was there protecting us though.