I had a dream 2 nights ago that Dave came back and wanted to be with me again like we were divorced and he hadn't died.  So I decided that we should date again to see if that's what I really wanted.  So we went out and Dave's personality was exactly like it was the last year of his life.  He was quiet, sad, blank expression on his face, tho I tried to be happy and talk with him, he basically ignored me.
 In my dream I didn't want to let Dave back in my life. I woke up feeling very sad.  Why would my mind dream that?  The fact is, the year or so before Dave died was very hard and our marriage was crumbling. I have to ask myself the question... if I could have Dave back but only as he was right before he died, would I want that same relationship? and I have to honestly say "no".  However if I could have him back with his personality he had the first 15 years of our marriage? Then yes I'd want him back. So my mind is trying to sort my emotions. It's very confusing. I can feel my thoughts and emotions moving away from David and letting him go. my yearnings for Dave are fading. Very strange experience for sure.