Joy in the Journey

Well, I had another interesting dream the other night.  Dave wasn't in this dream.  I was with a group of random people and we were part of a game of sorts.  We started at the entrance to a huge building and we were just told there you go and the doors opened.  Now in my mind I assumed it was a contest and we had to find our way to the finish line of the building.  We weren't given any rules or instructions and we didn't know what to expect around the corner, could be monsters, nobody knew, so we decided to stay together.  There were many doors, rooms and hidden rooms.  We explored a bit and the rooms were full of really fun and interesting things and one by one members of the group would find a room that they loved and had to stay and play.  Again in my mind I'm thinking "dummies don't they know they're getting side tracked from the main goal"? So I kept going looking for the end prize.  Yes, I'd come across very interesting rooms that I couldn't resist and had to stop and explore, but I'd soon remember that I was getting side-tracked and continue on my journey.  The building was endless with rooms and the goal seamed allusive.  The group I had been with had all found their happy rooms and I found myself alone. I came across a library that had books on everything that I had always wondered about.  Of course I stayed and read through many books.  Other people had discovered this library also and were coming and going.  But I then remembered I needed to get back on track and quit playing around.  But I had no idea which way to go. So I stopped someone and asked if they could suggest a way to go.  They said "you might want to try room 23 upstairs".  So I found my way to that room and opened the door.  The room was clear full of every kind of toy building sets imaginable and there in the middle of it was Greg and a little boy about 7 years old following Greg around that looked very much like Greg and was just a chattering away and asking Greg all kinds of questions.  The two happily played with the various legos, kinex, erector sets etc.  I was about to interrupt them and tell them to "get back on track".  But they were very happy and content where they were, so I stepped back out and closed the door.  I then started to realize the real purpose of this building.  Then woke up.  When I was awake I realized that it wasn't a contest at all, nor was there a finish line.  The purpose of the "game" was not to win.  The point of the building was to learn, experience and most important to play and have joy.  I forget in this life that Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy our experiences here.  Yes we are here to gain a body, learn and experience and be tested, but we forget that we need to seek our "happy places" and have joy in the journey.  So many songs and stories tell us that this life is painful and miserable, it's a a "frail existence" and we go through this "veil of tears", we have to "endure to the end" and tell us of better things to come in the next life.  Maybe we should embrace every experience now, feel all the emotions, be more trusting of our Heavenly Father when we go through the hardest things imaginable.  It's very difficult to trust Heavenly Father when the rug gets ripped out from under you.  Very hard to be happy when your best friend leaves you. So I'll keep searching for my happy place and when I find it again, I'll stay for a while and play.         

The Car Wreck.
     The girls and I were on our way to UVU to meet with Jessica's school counselor to get her classes picked out for Summer semester.  I was driving our Ford Focus going north on Woodland Hills Drive.  When all of a sudden a pick-up truck ran a stop sign and was there in front of me.  I had no time to react.  I think I may have slammed on the break.  We hit the side of the truck hard.  It's a 40 mph street.  It caved in our front like an accordian and spun us around.  We were wearing our seat belts and the air bags deployed.  We lived.  Bumps and bruises, lots of bruises and very sore.  The other truck rolled completely over.  We all got out of the car fast and we were all screaming hysterically.  I looked over at the other truck and saw an arm plopping to the side, I thought I had killed them and I started to scream and cry.  Why oh why did this happen?  Why wasn't I warned to go another route?  We all were taken to the emergency.  Several ward members were there already.  My visiting teacher, my RS president.  And Jessica and Dayna had elders quarem members there to give us all blessings.  It was awesome, the support we had.  The kids in the other truck were not wearing seat belts but they were ok and released before we were.  The days afterward were horrible.  We were all so sore, we couldn't move.  The pain was unbearable.  Just from a split second jolt.  I got whip lash, Dayna got both arms spranged and Jess got her tail bone wrenched.  I can't believe we all got out of that without major problems.  It was a miracle.  I later learned that the girl in the passenger side of the truck got up in testimony meeting and said that was her wake up call to get her life straightened out and start going to church again and be good.  I hope she follows through. 
I got the money for my car and baught a sweet 2009 Mallibu with it.  However getting the money for the medical expenses and pain and suffering is still in the works.  I had just finished dealing with all the insurance companies from David's hospital bills and funeral expenses.  The stress is unbelievable. But I'm getting things done and I'm on top of it.  My dad told me after the accident, "Heavenly Father is obviously trying to teach you something and your just not getting it and stuff like this will continue to happen unless you learn what lesson it is you're suppose to learn".  Ok thanks dad.  Well I have no idea what I'm suppose to learn here, so I guess I'm in for more punishment. 

Dealing's with Dave

I had a couple of interesting things happen last night.  All my "dealings" with David have all been at night when I'm half awake half asleep.  First as I was asleep, I smelled a strong cologne smell, like when Dave would just get out of the shower and spray on his cologne.  He had many varieties.  It was so strong that I woke up, however of course when I woke up it was gone.  But I was comforted by the thought that he had learned a "new trick" and was showing it to me.  Then I dreamed that someone was knocking softly on my bedroom door.  I kept trying to say come in thinking it was Dayna, because she gets sick tummies a lot and comes and knocks on my door.  But I was half asleep and couldn't talk.  Then it happened again.  I woke up a bit and listened, but it didn't happen again.  so I went back to sleep it happened one more time, and I woke up even more and said come in, but no one was there.  Silly new tricks he's learning, to try to communicate with me and let me know he's still around.  I love it! I especially like the cologne trick.  I just have to wonder what new trick he'll come up with next.  Moving stuff around maybe?  Who knows.  I'll keep you posted. 
You know something interesting.  My whole life as far back as I can remember, I would get terrified at night and think I see, hear and smell things when I was half asleep and it was very frightening.  Even when Dave was next to me, I'd get very frightened at night.  But now, I haven't been afraid at night since Dave's death.  Yes I still experience things that go bump in the night, but they no longer scare me.  Because now I can just say it was Dave and feel safe.  I also know he watches over me at night and keeps the bad scary things away.
Oh I forgot to tell you about another thing that happend one night about a month ago.  I was on my side and I felt a strand of hair being pulled, then I felt someone laying next to me.  I woke up and it was gone.  I said out loud, "Dave was that you".  Of course it was Dave, who else would it be? 
So anyway, that's what's been going on at night.  I don't mind at all, it's fun.