Feb 14, 2013
Today is Valentines day.  Actually it was a good day.  I woke up in the morning and asked Dave if there was anyway he could send me a message while I was wide awake that he still loved me, if he still did.  I told him I still loved and missed him very much.  The day went on as usual at work.  When I got home it was lonely because both my girls were still at school.  I started to feel sad.  I took a valentine balloon over to Dave's grave.  It was berried under a foot of snow.  I cleared it away and told him again how much I loved him and missed him.  I then went to pick up the girls at the bus stop.  They had boughten  me a balloon and some chocolate.  Such good daughters.  I gave them their little gifts.  They had a RS meeting to go to that evening and I went to my Suicide survivor group meeting.  I hadn't been for a while because of the bad weather.  I like to go and pittty party with everyone.  The lady who can see and hear dead people was there again.  She is very reserved about her abilities and doesn't like to make a big deal of it and doesn't use her gift for any personal gain other than to help others.  So they announced that if anyone wanted to talk to her after the meeting they could.  So of course I went up to her.  She said that Dave kept saying over and over to make sure I knew that he loved me very much and kept telling her this.  She also said that he wants me to find a fun hobby, which was the same thing he said last time.  I told her and she said she forgot what he said last time.  She also told me that Dave comes and visits me in my dreams and lately my subconscious has been playing tricks on me about Dave and not to worry about it or listen to it.  Which is very true, in my dreams when Dave happens to be in them, my mind lately has been twisting the dream to make Dave mean and cruel to me, I wake up and say out loud I know that was just my twisted mind Dave I'm sorry I dreamed that about you.  Also whenever something bad happens to me, in the back of my mind I hear over and over "welcome to my world, now you know how I felt" and then I feel like I deserved that bad thing so I would know how my poor hubby felt. But I know Dave would never say that to me. So I will try not to listen to those doubts and negative thoughts that creep up anymore.