My ellipsis life...

I was sitting in church today listening to the talks in stake conference. Many stories of overcoming adversity were shared. The thought accurred to me that all my adversities have never been "overcome". They continue on and on and are never resolved or have an ending. A new trial comes along and it's here to stay.
I think it's because of the kind of trials that come my way. Like I'm traveling through life with a cart and the trials just hop on board for the long ride. No matter how hard I try to push them off my already heavy cart, they just won't budge.
So after I'm done throwing a fit, begging, pleading and praying to be rid of each new unwelcome passenger, I resign myself to fact that they're here to stay and all I can do is pray for a stronger back and keep pushing. How I would love to get up in testimony meeting and share how I've overcome my trials by being obedient and doing the things we're taught we should do in order to be triumphant. How after much prayer and fasting we were able to to accomplish this or that.
Here's the list...
Dave has depression...
Greg gets depression while on his mission and has to come home early...
Karen gets laid off from work...
Dave gets laid off from work...
Because of money issues, Jessica drops out of college...
Jobs must be found so Greg, Jessica and Dayna can go to school...
Dave tries to start up his own business...
Dave takes over house with his "inventory"...
An extreme feeling of lethargy takes over the family...
Dave's depression gets worse...
Dave commits suicide...
I'm stuck with all the financial mess Dave created...
I must provide for the family now...
I feel sad, lost and alone... (our church group has been wonderful to me)
Dayna's depression gets to the point she's on medication...
Jessica now showing signs of depression...
and on it goes, no end in sight, no easy fix to any of these trials.
Another strange thing is my scariest nightmares are always about running away from something and no matter where I hide no matter how fast I run, it knows where I am. The chase continues and is never resolved. Last night was a particularly disturbing dream where everything was being destroyed around me, people and buildings, as I'm running away from something with a machine gun. I was getting mad in my dream, nobody would help me, I was screaming to everyone to either help me or get out of the way or they would die. But to no avail the carnage went on and on. I was in a busy city running in and out of stores. After seeing all the innocent men, women and children being shot up, I prayed in my dream for help, the answer came that I was the only one who could stop this carnage, that I needed to turn and confront it and fight. I started looking for a weapon, then woke up.
I have these kinds of dreams quite often lately, but they have pleagued my whole life. Sometimes it's a tornado chaseing me or an unknown foe, sometimes it switches to me running around frantically searching for something. Just when I stop and decide to end this craziness, I wake up. I always feel very flusterated when I wake up from these dreams. (I haven't had this kind of dream since Dave passed away).
So my life continues as an ellipsis of sorts, you know, on and on it goes, nobody really wanting to hear the long sad story or caring how it ends.
For now I'll just continue to stamp my new traveling companion with a (...) throw it in the back of my cart and keep pushing...



I was chatting with a good friend of mine and this profound thought came to me about our trials in life.
Life isn't about dodging the hurdles,
It's about knowing Heavenly Father is there to help you fly over each one.

I also have a favorite word, it's "relentless". I like how it sounds and I like the meaning. It can be used to describe both good and bad actions. I like to say this phrase...
Never give up never give in,
Karen Muhlestein Robbins, relentless to the end.